The eternal undead amaranth
Thursday, April 17, 2008
This will be a very long post. Make sure you have the time, or patience, to read this. I am VERY hesitant to post this. Those who really want to know, can ask. But there are some, i cannot give answers to, for different reasons, especially the first gaze.









The First Gaze:
A boy stared at the sun as he grew old. Its warmth, ever so distant, its piercing light, but he could not move his gaze away.
So enticing, yet so torturing. How he yearned for a moon, so that h would never need a sun.
Finally, he catches sight of the moon. Huge, overpowering his senses, it looms bigger, and bigger, and bigger and bigger, and crushes him beneath. Gosh, why did he ever look at the moon. So alluring, so cooling, almost for a want of embrace, yet equally distant.
A boy who wanted to be distracted from the Sun, had found the Moon.
Now the boy hungers so much for either, he just wishes, he could live in darkness once more.
The night wasnt that bad. If not for the demons that lived within, he would have stayed in it forever and ever and ever. Now he wishes he had and cant go back.

At least the boy has begun to lose sight of the sun due to the moon.


The Reminiscence:
(ali and Ryan have seen this. i seem to have unconciously thrown away that paper)
I used to love the common person, but now it seems distant. Locking my self up was a big mistake, living as a child, as my rage grew, my negative emotions grew so strong they began to overpower the child.

All the self-centered feelings i tried to reject...have grown into nothing short of a monster, a Nightmare, that coerces the Child, and woken the Dreamer. The ironic self-proclaimed bringer of happiness to us all.

Is there no place for pure concern or love in this world?
I struggle but cannot fight against my own inclinations, my own human weakness. My emotions wrestle me in an iron clad grip, forcing me into acting like the very model of what i hate deeply.
If i cannot win this struggle, i cannot ever expect others to do so .... anymore.




Drifting thoughts:
Drifting thoughts of my different voices.The lyrics are not exact. The song is as the audience hears it.

I'm sorry i cant pen it anymore. here are all the quotes to what i feel inside....roughly anyway.

"Unbreak my Heart! So i can love again...."
-Unknown

"Oh how i wish, for soothing rain... oh how i wish to dream again.My loving heart, lost in the dark, for hope i'd give my everything"
-Nemo

"For the heart I'll never have
For the child forever gone
The music flows, because it longs
For the heart I once had"
-For the Heart i once Had

"Search for beauty, find your shore
Try to save them all, bleed no more
You have such oceans within
In the end
I will always love you"
-The Poet and the Pendulum

"Bring me home, or leave me be. My love in the dark heart of the night .. "
- G.L.S.

"Take me kill me cure me bring me home, everyway , everyday, just another loop in the hangman's noose ... ... I keep on watching us sleep."
- G.L.S.

"Redeem me, into childhood.
Show me myself without the shell.
Like the advent, of May, I'll be there,
when you say:
Time to never hold our love"
- G.L.S.

"Its not monsters under your bed, its the Man next door... That makes you fear, makes you cry...makes you cry for the Child"
- Dead to the World

"Save yourself a penny for the ferryman! Save yourself and let them suffer. In hope, in love, this world aint ready for the Ark."
- Planet Hell

"What greater gift, could i get to feel alive? Than the power of love in your eyes?"
-The Power of Love

"I wish for this night time to last for a lifetime...the darkness surround me...the shores of a solar sea...Oh how I wish to go down with the sun
Sleeping
Weeping
With you"
-Sleeping Sun

"For my dreams I hold my life
For wishes I behold my night
The truth at the end of time
Losing faith makes a crime"
-Sleeping Sun

"Ever felt away with me? Just once, thats all i need. Entwined in finding you one day.
Ever felt away with me? My love it felt so deep...
Ever dream of me?"
- Everdream

and last but not least:
for the friend who sent this to me:
"For the Light, for the Love, for the Truth in your eyes. I am grateful to have such a friend by my side. For the tears, for the love, for not asking me why~"
-Song For You

undead withering eternal

Undead, withering and eternal
Shadow submerged
Torn and separated
young mind of 20
decaying youth
will this night ever end

Inner lusts
to waltz in crimson rain, the masquerade
for the night to last forever
never see the light of day

Into the light
[x] Felix Kyros Ang,my best friend, whose loyalty lies above all.
[x] Perry Peter Yeo, my favourite and loving cousin
[x] Darth Sulphate, who calls herself 'Azuire'
[x] Sarah, a wonderful friend that departed from SRJC
[x] Meryl, Podium member thats been there, done that
[x] Leryee, an online friend
[x] Podium Blog
[x] Dog Union '07
[x] Joyce, SRJC Debate Captain 2007
[x] John an emo prawn

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