The Dreamer:
I dedicate this to R.M.H.
and I'm sorry.
Because I was everything i should never have been.
And i feel you can understand by now, why i may always hate myself.
The Child was bawling and Nightmare raging.
Just a person who wanted simply to do this right. He got stressed, so he did some stuff recklessly.
And i was lost in my own sea.
So, in the emotionally confused world of mine and from all i heard, this was what he appeared as,
[An authority figure comes in with equal skill/expertise with every one.
He firstly, tells me and by team mates(not that hes not one) to back down.
He does it with another group of people, running the show altogether.
He 'bragged' about his achievements and tries to justify his actions.]
But all he did, was try to put it running on schedule.
And that i believed.
But why wont you listen to me?
Why must you run everything? why cant you just trust me?
We needed your help, and you just... ran away.
And got yrself in conflict with others, who did not want it or appreciate it.
I dont understand why you said the things i heard you said.
Yet you would never tell me everything.
From the start of this term you had treated me like an enemy.
Why?
I dont know. You know how lost it can feel, when you finally decide you should rely on your friends and they vanish, turn their back on you, or ue you as a sacrificial tool.
I have got mounting problems on me.
Going home everyday, my only respite is hoping to see my cousin, who seems to be the only one thats close at hand.
But its so close yet so far.
He too is lost in his own life.
My other friends, seem to move on.
I'm sorry, my friend.
Ever since the Child kinda 'died'. I have been irrational... more than i ever been.
Its true. I dont have much self-esteem.
I want to feel appreciated.
I just want life to rush past me.
Yet its just a dream.
I just wan to leave. Screaming in this walless pit. I have so much future burdens, so much past burdens and today, trying to live for only today, yet it cant happen.
i AM SURE YOU COULD UNDERSTAND.
I dont need you to forgive me anymore.
Keep this in your heart.
I just dont want to lose a friend whos this beautiful.
Someone who can understand how beautiful or what love really is.
Not just romance, but general life and love for fellow people.
I dont know why you hate me.
I just hate why you dont tell. I hate why noone tells.
I hate why people leave others behind. I hate why people feel they can override others.
I hate why people think they are the only one that matters.
I hate myself. I cant get rid of thiese all too human flaws.
Like rods stuck in my skin, in my heart.
I cant pull them out.
Maybe you could teach this lost child.
Who tried to grow up too fast while still young. Got lost,
lost his heart of love, consumed by hatred and self-defense and stuck in time.
Please,
because to me, you are the more beautiful people in the world.
Just as everyone i call friend.
Doesnt matter why i get angry at you.
I will always love you more than i will hate you my brother.
ok?
undead withering eternal