Last night i felt totally despaired of life, as if life was an isolated part of me, or something like that. I felt as if, a hollow tube was in me, painfully moving, unremovable. Physical pain would not be able to remove it, so i didn't try.
My mother just woke up and came over. With the kind of kaopeh face only because i was at the comp. And she tried to read, like she would understand. Simply too insensitive and shallow to, or so i feel. I can assure i am not biased. She would not be able to decipher slightly what was in the previous paragraph, merely thinking that i am acting and exaggerating abit of unhappiness. Why not? She has done so all the while.
I had felt and unwilling 'sorrow' but i do not know if that was sorrow or not. I was actually trying to find inspiration from the land before time song, but i found that i could not find my happy, enthusiastic(studying), and even kinder self than i was before secondary three. I felt simply not part of this way of life, where even the law is sinful. It does not have to be corrupted to be sinful.
I did not wish to end my life. To foolish to, to meaningless to. Yet, the will to achieve to live on, was, in a way, faded. All i wished to was to stay in my room, as if i would be immortal, and not step out. So dissapointed I was, that simple hurting examples of human sin would simply, painfully remind me that the world was like that. I would no longer fit in.
If perry would blame it on the music, it would be foolish.
It was a guide to realisation, to find that in your heart, you finally realised the evil of this place. That any hurt, now felt much more piercing.
But that feeling slowly faded away. I, more or less, no longer feel those that i have inadequately described. Not many would even understand, or come close to doing so. Not many at all.
I have to leave the comp now. Bye.
undead withering eternal